AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Commentary from Casa Cazzie
by JazzieCazzie

Cazzie Lite couldn't figure out why I had my reporter's notepad with me as I flopped on the bed to watch the show ... but once she realized she was being quoted she got into it, as did latecomer Mr. Cazzie ...

INTRO: These boys really are all hot (except Constantine). I actually might like them all (except Constantine) And some of them have the good sense to look appropriately embarrassed by the dorky intro (except Constantine ... in fact, I am starting to think that the term "except Constantine" could just be inserted everywhere, at the end of fortune cookies, etc., much like "between the sheets"). Other random thoughts ... I still think that Anwar reminds me of a Sesame Street character ... If Travis doesn't make it here, Abercrombie and Fitch could sign him to be a superstar model (or better yet, Hains or Fruit of the Loom! Heh) ... I've already forgotten what Jared looks like.

No. 1 in your scorebooks and on your screen, Nikko Smith: Hey, I am a baseball writer so needless to say I am already liking l'il Nikko (I think I might even remember seeing him in a tiny Cards uniform on old father-son-day highlights, but I might be thinking of Tempy II). Luckily he is the kid of a player I always liked (everyone liked Ozzie, the ultimate class guy). ... Anywa, he is soooooooooooo cute. He's clearly untrained, just a guy who has probably always had a good voice and everyone liked listening to. He's really flat in a lot of spots and I was concerned he might be out of his league (no pun intended), but in retrospect almost every guy ended up pitchy in spots so in the greater scheme of things he wasn't bad at all. And he is soooooooooooooooooo cute.
Cazzie Lite on Nikko: I liked him a lot. He's cute and he has good fashion sense. But he was kind of flat.

Scott Savol: He is somehow not as creepy Slingblade as usual tonight. In fact, honestly, he seems like a cool guy and my GAWD does he have a spectacular voice. I think when he is done here he should sign with Disney to do voiceovers. He will never be attractive. They will never be able to give him a Claykover. Re: his song choice, am I the only person who ALWAYS thinks this is "Shannon" about the dead swimming dog for like the first two or three lines??? ... This was the first time of the night (of many to come) that I wanted to bitchslap a judge. When Simon said "You don't look like an American Idol" and Randy challenged him "What does THAT mean?" Oh come on, Randy. What do you think it means? Stop talking just to hear your own voice. Please.
Cazzie Lite on Scott: He has an incredible voice and you know what, I love him even though he's scary-looking.

Anthony Federov: He really reminds me of someone and I can't think of who and no, it's not Clay. While I thought he would go far from the audition episodes, and we all know he's been pimped, I thought he was totally underwhelming tonight and wonder if his train may lose some steam. To me, he's sort of the John Stevens IV of this season but legal and less interesting ... a one-trick pony whose ride is "emotional love song singer." I suspect he has zilch versatility and he's just boring. My first indication that the judges don't love him as much as they used to was NO mention all night of his tracheotomy.
Mr. Cazzie on Anthony: He's "Cleh."
Cazzie Lite's commentary watching Anthony (remember she's 14, his target audience): Oh, he's really cute! He looks like Ricky Ullman (a Disney actor)! He's ... not ... very ... good. He's ... ow! Oh! Make him stop! Oy gevalt! Just not very good.

Bo Bice: His hair is pretty. Mr. Cazzie thinks I want to run my fingers through it but he's wrong. I just want to know what shampoo he uses. He is very endearing and non-posery on the Coca-Cola Couch (TM someone funny). He's got a very Dan Fogelberg vibe to him (when I was Cazzie Lite's age, I used to get on line at dawn at Avery Fisher Hall to buy Dan Fogelberg tickets so I could have front row seats .... I am very sad to hear he's dying). There is absolutely NOTHING he has in common with Constantine other than long hair and age. ... Re: performance. I don't particularly like this song and I don't think he is anywhere near as good as they are pimping him out to be, but I like him enough to be happy to see him hang out awhile longer (though the fact that he has 35% of the vote at scares me). ... Why is he standing funny like that? He looks constipated. But Cazzie Lite the guitarist tells me this is the "guitar power stance" and he just doesn't have his guitar which is why it looks odd. I wanted to like him but I was underwhelmed by his performance.
Cazzie Lite on Bo: He yarls. He sounds like Scott Stapp from Creed. I don't like this song either. I like HIM and I think he's probably good but I don't like yarling. And Creed sucks. But he has a great name.

MyPretendBoyfriendTravis: I am going to just post what I wrote on TWoP for starters here ... while tipping my cap in verklempt gratitude at being named conductrix of the Travis Truck ...
"I totally agree on the concern about the "safe choice" but in retrospect he was in the majority when it came to picking safe songs and/or safe arrangements (kudos to Anwar for taking a huge chance on "Moon River") ... My hope here is that his approach was "go out there and look gorgeous (done), sing well (done with a few pitchy moments but I'm not sure ANY of the guys lacked those) and make a lot of women fall in love with him and vote for two hours straight (hopefully done)." Then next week, once he's got a familiarity factor going, he can start mixing it up a little. He hadn't gotten anywhere near the face time of a lot of their pimpees so I think safe wasn't a bad decision here (ask me again tomorrow night though). The best thing about living in Our! Nation's! Capital! is officially having him be a hometown boy that Fox 5 News at 10 pimps all night. They showed him hanging out with Sarah Mather ... how sweet. My pretend boyfriend hanging with Mr. Cazzie's pretend girlfriend. ... Anyway, flat notes notwithstanding, how could anyone watch him for two minutes and not be in love with him??? OK, don't answer that.
Cazzie Lite on Travis: I love him, he's absolutely adorable, but he WAS flat.

The C Word: By the time he got to the chorus, he had yet to hit the right note. I am gobsmacked how flat he is, how unattractive he is with his gross unwashed hair and double chin and yellow teeth, and how pimped he is. He just sucks. He's ruining a perfectly good song. If there is ANY justice in this world he will go home tonight but we know it ain't gonna happen.
Cazzie Lite on C: He's not even cute. I don't get this at all.

David Brown: Adam's comparison to KLo is right on target ... and I think for the same reason. He started a rangy song WAYYYYY too low which was usually KLo's problem, and it also explains why they were able to recover so well midway through, because they'd worked their way into the higher range of the song. Bad song choice, though a great song. Mr. Cazzie was SO disappointed because this was his pick to win it all. But we love his phrasing. We're all divided on his shirt (I don't like, Cazzie Lite likes). He recovers well ... but I don't think we saw enough of his ebullience and pipes that won us over early for the rest of America to fall in love with him if they weren't already.

Jared Yates: Who? Seriously, how did this guy make it through and Ross the Hat didn't? He definitely doesn't look or sound like an apple farm boy. He's low-rent Icky Martin. Boring, unmemorable ... BAD song choice (what song was that, anyway?) For the guy with the least face time, he needed to come out and do something really memorable and he failed miserably. That's one of the cutes, now it's a matter of who the other will be ... Simon summed it up perfectly. Bad boy band. I felt bad for him though ... he looked so devastated by their comments.

Anwar Robinson: Oh oh oh oh oh. I love his voice, I love his smile. I love this song. Weird arrangement of it but I love it anyway ... and what I love most is he totally didn't play it safe at all. He has great range and showed it off. He is so safe. But ... that doofy smile for the camera at the end, when they're pimping his number? That was weird. But I love him and he is my second favorite after MyPretendBoyfriendTravis.

Judd Harris: It's Jelvis!!! The Jewish Elvis. If Anthony is this year's JSIV, he is this year's JPL with a slightly better voice and slightly less naievity (sp? sorry). Yes, he's a crowd pleaser and a great performer but I am undecided on his voice. The TWoP posters seem to think he's great but I wasn't of that opinion. I agree with Simon, he is one of these guys who did the "Grease" solo in the high school musical revues.
Cazzie Lite on her Landsman Judd Harris: He's cute, he looks kind of like Derek Jeter, but he's not very good.

Joe Murena: I am the only one on the bed who likes him. I hate the song choice and admit he cracks a lot and has his pitchy moments but I like the quality of his voice a lot. I also like the "flava-sava" (baseball speak for soul patch). He is hot but almost too hot, like soap opera star good looks.
Cazzie Lite on Joe: His voice cracks too much ... I counted nine times.

Mario Fez Vazquez: If he is indeed "the chosen one" as we seem to think, I would be fine with that. I love watching him and listening to him. He's not my favorite but I totally am in like with him. He's adorable and endearing, and has a great combo of phrasing, energy and voice.
Cazzie Lite on Mario: He's hot. He's great. I LOVE him. I don't care if he's gay, I want to have his child, metaphorically speaking. (I think he's her favorite now).

Our predictions for who goes tonight (not who we hope, but who we think):
Cazzie Lite: Jared and Constantine
Mr. Cazzie: Jared and Scott, because I don't think he will be enough people's favorites to vote him through, or else Jared and Judd
Me: Jared and Joe, should be Jared and Constantine

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Blogger Wandering Snark sez:

This post right heyaaahh? Rocks my socks.

Great to get the full Casa Cazzie lowdown!

Blogger Wandering Snark sez:

D'oh! Meant to say that I think CazzieLite is correct about Bo and 'the stance' as even he said he'd feel odd not having a guitar around his neck. It's got to be an odd thing; I bet his hands were wondering why the hell he was singing and all they got to do was hold the mic.

Blogger Swoopin sez:

You know, Swoopin Jr. is also 14 and AI's target audience and her reaction to Mario was "eeww, now he's really skeevy." Interesting how different kids are.

We're all big Travis fans here too. I know you've got dibs for him for tv. boyfriend and all, but I wanted to tell you that your comment about him possibly working as a model--not so far off the mark. He has the right look. I don't know if he's tall enough for runway work, but I'd bet you anything that an agent could keep him booked solid in print work for years.

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