AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Monday, February 21, 2005

My Cherie's A Bore...
by Swoopin

So Ryan comes out wearing a shirt that looks like it has a shiney splatted gold bug on it and all is right with the world.

Nikko: I love the way he dresses, and I thought he did pretty okay with Part Time Lover, but he was seriously out of breath in spots, which worried me.

Serial Killer Scott: The clothes totally blinded me, and then he started doing Ruben's cheeseburger grab and I just shut my eyes and moaned, and not in a good way.

Potterov: Okay, how many Clay tapes has this guy watched? And he has lower register issues, and is so boring I started inventing book titles while he was singing: Anthony Potterov and the Chamber of Tsathungga, Anthony Potterov and the Prisoner of Purple Monkey Dishwater, Anthony Potterov and the Tracheotomy of Fire.

Bo: I admit up front I have a thing for long-haired guys. I think he's hot. And he slayed the Craggle/JPL Drift Away Ghosts with that. That is how that song should be sung, and he was, IMO, easily the best of the night.

Why is Paula's poncho thingie seemingly white one minute and black the next? it's irritating me.

Travis: Oh cherie, say goodbye. That was not good, although I thought he looked hot.

ConstantCrappola: Seal? Are you fucking joking? Ha. And hello, his range is not good--his lower register fades out and he has a screechy falsetto. And I've been trying to figure out who he's imitating for his rocker model and I have finally figured it out. Dude is totally trying to be Jim Morrison and it is so not working.

I'm hating the constant comparisons between Bo and ConstantCrappola, too--there is nothing to compare. Among other things, Bo obviously knows how to apply shampoo to his hair. Oh, and he can sing.

David: He looked terrified to me, and it sounded 1000 ways wrong for his voice. He's got a lot of talent and I'm hoping he isn't cut because he's way better than this.

Jared: Cannon fodder. I'll miss his beautiful eyes. I will not miss his singing, though.

Anwar: When he started, I was kind of WTF? but I was totally into it by the end, even though that jacket was seriously ugly. I liked the R&B arrangement of Moon River, and he has a fabulous voice. Please stay.

Judd: I want him. Badly. I thought this was a wee bit cheesy, but he can sing and move and entertain, and ConstantCrappola? This is how you rock it out. I liked it a lot.

Joe: Still all kinds of hot, but Michael Freakin' Bolton? Bad song choice, but vocally one of the better performances, I thought. He needs to go upbeat and move that hot little...err, sorry about that...

Mario: is officially annointed, even though that suuuuucked haaaaaaard. It was like a bloody Disney teevee video. And how many godawful hats does that man have to torture us with, I ask you?

Best bets for going home: Jared is definitely out, I think, and then either pretty Travis (awww) or David Brown. Although personally, I'd take another week of Jared's eyes over Potterov boring the crap out of me and ConstantCrappola posing all over the place.

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Blogger Wandering Snark sez:

Love the title, and as I mentioned the book titles are awesome.

I had the same intital thought: "Michael Freakin' Bolton?!?!" but intead of thinking of Saved by the Bell, as others did (and btw heh!) I could sense it would cause a lot of people to call in for him.

He is the punchline to many a joke yes, but he still sells records and packs shows with all manner of multi-aged screaming fangirlies(and boyz?). He's resolutely uncool but again your 'average viewer' is no way as cool and discerning as the average TWoPer is. I'd guess he and ConstantCreed will both be saved by generic appeal.

Blogger Swoopin sez:

WS, I actually agree with your Michael Bolton comments--the man gets all sorts of grief and he's cheesy as hell, but you know, cheese sells. Although I didn't think Joe was that awful, really, and it'd be ironic if that song actually ends up saving him.

Glad you liked the title. I'm all about puns on song choices, it seems *g*

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