AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Monday, February 28, 2005

The Wheat and the Chaff... and the Fertilizer
by Wandering Snark

Monkrio Fezquez Kicks off with another song that, well, it sound and looks and feels exactly last his last song. It’s at the same time glimpses of a really good performance and a performance gone horribly awry. I've never heard anyone be that inconsistent within a song before and this is two weeks in a row.

This week though he’s wearing the decorative outside of a flower pot not actually a hat. His ring matches his hat and jacket people!!! Also, he has full-on DeGarmoitis; c’mon people!

Mr. Robinson Starts really shakey but picks up steam. The background singers are like a hot poker in the eye. I can do without the ‘whooooo!!’s but it’s another risky take on a song and I dig it. He’s leaning toward ‘so what’ territory though. He seems to always come up with ‘really good’ and ‘interesting’ but I want to see if he can put forth ‘Damn Near Perfect’ and ‘Jaw Droppingly Amazing’ at any point.

JoEnrique Murenasias Apparently the ‘whooo’s and ‘c’mon’s are contagious... just so nobody is confused he comes out looking as much as Enrique as possible. He actually sounds really good this week and his performance aspects are a good improvement over last time out. Ahh there’s our first ‘Cabaret’ mention of the year, even with an update of tacking on ‘Portugese’ to it since it is 2005... all is right with the world!

David Brown “I’ll take contest-ending song choices for 1,000 Alex!” I hear the paint on the ceiling above him mocking him they were more exciting in their previous life pre-drying. Dude just isn’t coming through with 'the goods'. Interestingly, this show has employed a ‘screaming teenage girl track’ which is quite a distraction. Shrieks and screams come in waves the moment any singer finishes, especially...

ConstantCreed I’m trying not to watch too closely so I don’t have to take a shower afterward. His random screaming and caterwauling makes a few pictures fall off my walls. My right ear feels a bit odd and I realize it’s just that it’s bleeding a bit. Thank gahhd that Simon doesn’t keep up with the rediculous ‘You had fun up there’ bullshit and calls it like it is. That “you had fun” thing is the AI equivalent of saying a girl has a ‘great personality’ but then, the whole singing thing and pitch etc doesn’t matter anymore. Somewhere JPL is telling his friends that this guy sucks; and he’s right.

Scott Savol This is not his week, except if you mean his week to go home. He’s slurring his words together like Paula, he’s boring as hell, it’s not really a singing song much... there’s no sustained notes. He’s doing our favorite ‘literal hand gestures’ thing; point to your temple when you say ‘thinking’ etc.

JazzieCazzie’s Travis Thankfully he’s un-nailed his feet from the stage, like he has to, since boy can move. I instantly think “is he gonna do that bizarre jumbalisachemgitobah part?” and he should get votes just for having the stones to attack it. I dig it; if anything it’s nowhere near safe so I’m cool with this one saving us from the boredom and buying Travis another week.

Nikko Smith Gets votes this week for not wearing the hat... cool rendition, lots of style. Paula has been reduced to a stuttering pool of goo and needs to take a bathroom break to wring out her pants.

Anthony Boresmypantsov Uptempo doesn’t mean sing louder. Anthony is the King of LiteRock!

Bo Bice Closes it out for us this week so anti-pimping doesn’t appear to be on the horizon yet. I wonder if this can be seen as a switching from ‘Project Mehrio’ to ‘Project Bo’? I doubt they thought he’d do anywhere near that well last week so maybe they’ll ‘ride the hot hand’ now if he keeps the buzz going.

Anyhow, this week he’s got a serious Joe Cocker vibe goin... and ho. lee. sheet. his energy is off the fuckin’ charts. GahhhhDAMNNNNN dude, that was sen-freakin-sational!!

I love that the recap puts in one of the mannny pretentious faux-rocker parts of ConstantCreed’s performances so we can reflect back on what a joke his performance was compared to the AssKicking-That-Was-Bo.

I rate today as: Bo (big gap) Nikko, Travis, Anwar (gap and a half) Joerique, Scott, Fezquez (chasm) Trachea, David Brown, ConstantCreed.

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Blogger katiedid sez:

Interesting. I thought Mario's hat looked like the webbed seat on outdoor wicker patio furniture. Also, I believe I saw them giving those same hats away at last year's Oregon State Fair for making three baskets with a tiny basketball into a rigged hoop.

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