AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

The AI Top Twelve: Now With More Nikko!
by Swoopin

I was all set with my popcorn, expecting, for some idiotic reason, to see Mehrio be given a big send-off. Instead, Ryan says he's gone, good luck, and Nikko's back. That was extremely anti-climactic.

Pro and Con are egged on by Sprinkles to do The Twist. Constantlymugging? Twists like a girl. Bo is way better. Big surprise.

Jessica: Smokey's "Shop Around" is a good choice for her, and I thought the judges were way too hard on her. She was off here and there, but when she was on, she had a nice tone. Needs to work on using the stage more, and she definitely needs some better clothes.

Anwar: Dear Roman, please burn all copies of "A House Is Not A Home", which is boring and stupid and I am so very, very tired of hearing it on AI. Thanks. There were some icky notes there, which surprised me, but I thought there were also some nice nuances and he didn't just glory note through it. And I loved the long coat.

Mickles: My notes say "Ye Gods and Little Fishes" and really, I think that says it all.

ConstantCramp: "You Made Me So Very Happy." Well well. Look who came out to play? It's our Conservatory-trained Theatre Rat. This was not anywhere near awesome and the last note was rank, but who knew he could actually...sing. I do wish he'd stop with the Morrison thing though--it's so obvious. Simon says something about "smouldering idol" and I'm thinking "only if I can douse him down and strike the match and tend the bonfire."

Lindsey: Manages to make Kimberme's version of "Knock on Wood" good. Which is not good, if you know what I mean. And since when is the disco version okay for 60's night? Too much squatting, too boring, too cheesy. I didn't think it was as awful as the judges did, but it was totally mediocre.

Aphid--well, if people are going to call him "A-Fed" then I'm going to spell it how I see it--a big white blob of meh. He's singing the remake of Sedaka's "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do," which is not the 60's version, so he gets points off. And he's sitting on The Stool, so points off. But vocally, this wasn't nearly as awful as the judges said--one rank note and he adjusted his pitch on the last glory note. What it was was totally cheesy and boring. And look, he's de-Claying and showed that he's got some biceps! Told ya.

Nadia: I am nearly positive I wore that dress in '68 (shut UP, yes I am that old). She's the first one who dressed the decade. I love "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" and I was liking this okay until about half-way, when her neck tendons started to pop and she started to strain on the upper notes. And she was also flat on the last note--and out of air.

Bo: *Fangirl alert*--Leather pants. Leather pants! Totally visable knife tat. Growly baritone. Lots of testosterone. I was nearly dead before he started, then I realized he was singing "Spinning Wheel," which I lurve, so excuse me but there was some eeeeee-ing in my living room. I think he feels lost without a guitar in his hands, but he rocked this pretty well--not as good as "Whipping Post" but here's someone who could give lessons in how to command an audience.

Vonzell: Okay, first, she looked great--very Lead Vocalist in a girl group. "Anyone Who Had a Heart" is a bitch to sing and better singers than her have tanked with it. I thought her lower register was a little light and weak, and the last note definitely was not good, but overall, I'd say this was more than competent. But she needs a breakout performance--she's reminding me of K-Lo right now.

Scott: George Huff did "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" so much better--this was vocally solid, and he's less cheesy and the boxy jacket is good on him. Nice move into the falsetto. I thought he was a little out of breath here and there.

Carrie: "When Will I Be Loved" is an Everly Brothers song--so naturally she sang the Linda Ronstadt country-fried version. She has the stage presence of a dead newt. She has no personality. She is technically proficient and she leaves me fighting to stay awake. And she slaps her ass, which I hate. Very Carmen--only Carmen, Roman love her, had more stage presence.

Nikko: Does the Jackson Five's "I Want You Back." I want him back--he gets a break for lack of prep time. Vocally not awesome--he was seriously out of breath in spots and Nikko? Back away from the crotch thing. I mean, look where that got Wacko Jacko--and possibly Mehrio, hee. Anyway, he had energy and it was fun to watch, and considering he probably had all of two days to practice at most, it wasn't bad.

Out: probably Lindsey, who has no personality.
Should be out: Mickles, who has no vocal ability.
Biggest surprise: ConstantCreep
Top three: Bo, Nadia, and (tie) Conman and Vonzell.

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