AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Tuesday, March 08, 2005


...And Jupiter Aligns With Mars
by Swoopin


Aww, Sprinkles is wearing a glittery shirt.

The opening exchange between Ryan and Simon is the stupidest thing ever. Ryan wants Simon to give advice like 2 seconds before people have to start performing? So Simon says "Be good." And if you can't be good, be careful!

Onward with the Age Of Aquarius, Part Two.

Amanda: "River Deep, Mountain High"--okay, the mic-tapping is annoying and she's smacking it so hard the mic's actually picking up the clicking and thumping. Jesus. And is she chewing gum? because it sure looks like it. I'm Amandabivilent. It's not bad, but it ain't the caterpillar's boots either. Simon's gone off her a bit, it seems.

Janay[: flat out stank. Wrong key, bad notes, deer staring down a rifle barrel. Simon: "Suitcase and an airplane." Works for me. Meanwhile, Paula is begging this girl's fans to vote for her. Why? Did we learn nothing from the Leah LeBlah incident last year Paula?

Carrie Overpimped: informs us that she's a Pisces and that she "loves to fish." Christ on a cracker. This girl is either dumber than a box of rocks or a country-fried android. Her version of "Because You Love Me" is so incredibly boring and lacking in performance skills that even Simon seems disappointed. And that top? Gah.

Vonzelle: apparently doesn't fish, even though she is also a Pisces. Instead, she ropes jackalopes or something. "Respect" is a good choice because people know it, but a bad choice because people know it too well. I thought she handled this well enough to get into the top 12, despite the hat and boots. Simon saying "lah-SOO" cracked my shit up.

Nadia: I'm impressed with the song choice--"Try a Little Tenderness" works for her limited and lower range. But WTF is she wearing? I spend half her performance trying to figure out what's on her skirt. Simon should not compare her to Tina Turner. That's just wrong.

Lindsey: Not the stool! Aiaiai. This is the best she's done, and like Nadia, that she chose a song written for a man helps with her lower alto range. That said, this isn't brilliant, but it's better and it should be enough to get her to the finals, except I hate those gaucho pants she's wearing, which just look all wrong. And Simon's comparing her to Sprinkles? Weird. He deserved the water for picking on poor Ryan.

Mickles: "Somewhere" other than the Top 12 I think may be where she ends up after this. It is--not good. Her range is too limited for it, and while I think she has just bucketloads of potential, she just isn't right for this show. She needs several years of voice lessons to harness her potential and a few year's maturity. Simon says she's lost what he liked about her. I'm not sure what that was, but he's the one who told her to tone it down. Ass.

Jessica: Goes back to "The Boys Are Back In Town" and lets the girls get a good airing while she's at it. I thought she was as good as Nadia and I think overall she's got better range. I liked it and it deserved the pimp spot, IMO. Simon makes some completely inappropriate,sexist comment about the boobage and Ryan cuts him off. Go Sprinkles!

Recap, and Seacrest Out.

Who should go: Janay and Mikahlah were the weakest but..

Who will go: I think Amanda is going to suffer from going first, and that will push either Janay or Mickles into the top 12. In fact, I suspect it will actually be Amanda and Lindsey who go.

In my dreams: Carrie bores her way back to her cover band down on the farm.

Post a Comment
Blogger Wandering Snark sez:

BWAH!! First off awesome work. As I mentioned I feel I've hit the wall but it's reading fellow poster's stuff that gets me going again.

I too am Amandabivilent (™ Swoopin) and I was wondering if I was the only one to notice that her mic tapping has become so extreme it's audible...

"But I don't use live bait... and I always throw back what I catch" and I've added to the list 'and I use barbless hooks' but I don't think Carrie actually went that far. (and the preceeding isn't really a sentance, I know). I mentioned to marc the Lewis Black college/horse* standup bit in referrence to the show last week and this was one of those moments for me. I had to mute her performance just to recooperate.

You cracked my shit up talking about Vonzelle roping jackalopes. I'm glad you also caught my feeling that it was a night of battling wtf? outfit decisions. Nadia came out and I had Cyndi Lauper flashbacks, I could picture her wearing that... that... well it was basically a tutu with a skirt over it right??

*The basics of it is that when you hear people say stupid shit it gets caught in a loop in your brain and that's what causes brain embolisms.


 
Blogger Adam sez:

I totally agree that Simon brought the hyperbole comparing Nadia to Tina. That was indeed wrong; I suspect he did it just because he said Amanda was so NOT Tina earlier so he had the awesome Ms. Turner (Tina not Nadia, although she's pretty good, heh) on his mind. I mentioned in the "Name Your Theme Nights" thread that a Tina night would be awesome b/c I think both the guys and ladies could get into her material but now I'm not so sure.

And btw, I hope you guys don't ban me from posting because I was totally one of the "OppositeDayers" in that I liked Amanda but was disgusted by Jessica! I swear I'm not on illegal substances, I must just be weird.


 
Blogger Wandering Snark sez:

There shalt be no bannings based upon varying opinions, if anything it's what makes things interesting. You may want to make sure you are getting enough iron. Heh.


 
Blogger Swoopin sez:

I am always thrilled with a big Bwah! And a tm too! Eeeee for me!

Snark, the whole mic-tapping thing with Amanda was driving me nucking futz, seriously. I was trying to figure out what the HELL that sound was, then I realized it was her hand thumping on the mic.

And yeah, the outfits were very WTF, although I thought Vonzell was awfully cute with her embarrassed admission that her dad bought her the hat and boots and she wanted to wear them.

Adam, I like Jessica and her trashy take on things, but I can see Amanda's appeal, mic-tapping aside. And I agree that a Tina night would rock. The idea of Carrie country-frying a Tina song would be good for unlimited snark, for one thing, and I'd like to see someone do "What's Love Got To Do With It" on this show, but only someone who can handle it. Might be a good choice for Nadia.


 
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