AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Tuesday, March 01, 2005


Bo Bice, Bo Bice, Banana Nanna Fo Fice...
by Phan


"Ten Males perform in front of the judges." - DVR, you silly sexual inuendo machine you.
Ryan and Simon giggle like two school boys trying to sneak back into their dorm room after a night of... well... experimenting?

First up is Mario Vazquez. He says he'll prove he isn't bad yet! Just wait and see. Oh wait, he lets it slip out that he thinks he'll be in for the long haul "I'll show you in the upcoming weeks.... I hope." Nice attempt at a save there. Well, he's probably right, but still, dude. He is singing... "I Love Music?" Is that the title of the song? Really? I'm sorry, you'll have to forgive me. "I Love Music" as well, but perhaps not as much as I should since I didn't know three of these songs existed tonight. I'm sorry. Anyway, this song is what an upbeat winner's single would sound like and Mario does well with another fast-paced song that seems to be about nothing. Wait, he IS Dibot. Eh, I've yet to understand why he is supposedly so great. He really sounds like a Justin Timberlake clone, and we already have one of those.

Next is Anwar Robinson. He wants his students to think of him as Mr. Robinson, and not Anwar. Okay, sure. He wants to show the children they can go far, because he believe's that they are our future, and he can teach them and then they'll lead the way. The last time I remember children leading the way was the Crusdaes, and that didn't go over too well now did it? "What's Goin' On" is his song of choice, and I really have to say this: I know I should like him, I know. After all the bitching I did last season about the technically good singers getting the boot instead of the "personality" singers, I should really appreciate Anwar. That being said... I don't know yet. He's fairly good and strong, and I like him better than I did last week (y'know, everytime you see the phrase "than last week" take a drink) but so what?

Joseph Murena gets interviews by Ryan at some point (I can't remember if it was before or after Anwar, though I think it's before, like it matters) about how Joesph (and the rest of the nation) thought he was eliminated and tried to tell Ryan he read the card wrong and he couldn't bend over with Ryan or something. Oops. I mean, he couldn't bend his kness and Ryan found that really interesting, since Ryan is always able to bend his... y'know, I'm going to stop now.

Away, Joesph confessionals that American Idol is a lot different than singing in front of a bathroom mirror because you're singing in front of a lot more people. Unless you happen to be George Michael. Thank you Joesph for insight. Joesph croons and belts "Let's Stay Together" which is Paula's favorite song ever and if this were the Wildcard show, Joe would be Paula's choice and we all know it. Actually, I really liked him tonight and ranked him among the top three so I was fairly surprised that Simon and Randy ripped him apart as much as they did. He sings the verse that I don't think has been sung on the show before so at least that was different.

David Brown interviews that his lucky charm is a microphone he wears around his neck to remind himself that he's a very good singer, but then he forgets how good he is and blahs his way through "All is Fair in Love." Stevie Wonder! DRINK! He is certainly better than last week but so is everyone else tonight. His glory notes are solid and good but it just doesn't make up for the boringness that is this song, or at least the boringness of the arrangement. I really don't think he'll be getting much further than next week, and that's if he survives.

Constantine Maroulis tells us that American Idol is HARDCORE and DANGEROUS and if you don't think so then you can be some broadway performer somewhere or something I guess. *Cough.* So ConstantSlime has picked "Hard to Handle" to sing and why is he screaming at me? Doe he really think that makes him a rock singer? And where is this charisma I keep hearing about? I don't see it. He makes out with the microphone, and discards the stand on the ground cause this is all so HARDCORE! He sucks and blows at once, defying all laws of physics (tm someone who is much funnier than I can ever hope).

Travis Tucker gets interviewed (again I don't remember when) by Ryan and it's blah blah personality cakes. I don't remember. Song choice cakes possibly?

Scott Savol blahs his way through the "ugly idol" spiel and y'know, I don't really remember a contestant milking that at this point in the competition. I know the judges have harked on it a lot, but never really the contestants unless they were outright asked by Ryan. I do realize he is being interviewed, but seriously, we get it. He isn't pretty. He wants to eat my skin. The boy ain't right. Then, to prove what a great vocalist he is, he sings "All My Love" (I guess, this is song #2 I don't know). And, it's about the same as last week. He has a good voice, nice sense of pitch, but it's kinda blah and boring. The beginning is kinda rushed and more speak-singing I think. Another meh performance.

In Travis's confessional moment, he laughs and laughs about... something. Does it matter? He's smiling and happy and stuff! Travis comes out, (hee) and sings "All Night Long." He proceeds to dance. Is this popping? I've been waiting to use that term since I heard it on VH-1 so now is as good a time as ever. Anyway, because of the dancing, Travis can hardly sing, so he's breathless and kinda flat, but it's more entertaining than last week. He is more of a performer, but I don't think we've ever seen him dance and sing at once yet. We saw him dance then sing, but not simutaneously. Again, he's okay.

Anthony Federov gets interviewed about the Clay comparisons. He tells us (in his blouse and ripped jeans) that he is own Clay Aiken, I mean artist, and he hopes people remember him for his own Clayness, er uniqueness. Good luck there Potterov. Eric Yoder called. He wants his schtick back.

Nikko Smith says he'd like to introduce America to some real music, and you know, I'd scoff and roll my eyes if I didn't loathe nearly all of today's music (or if he were ConstantWhine). Nikko performs "Let's Get It On" and oh sweet baby Roman. How could choose this song at this stage of the competition? It's good and all, but it's cheese. He's really listenable and good this week, as opposed to the week of the 21st in February (see, so I didn't say "than last week" again, I said that. Shit. Idiot.). The song only has... 20 words to it and there is a lot of dead air, but he did as well as he could have with the song I guess.

Anthony confesses that he eats Chinese food. I'm surprised he eats personally. He tells us about his fortune cookies and how it says something about sweet surprises and irony and I have a good chuckle with one another. Anthony wails "I Want to Know What Love Is" and GOD it's cheese. What the hell? Do these people want me to have heart problems by shoving five songs of chesse down my throat tonight? Be belts and pulls a couple of glory notes, getting some of the crowd on their feet before it's even over. I guess if have to be stuck with somebody, I'd choose Anthony over any of the others I find boring.

BO! Freaking BO BICE. I'm sorry about the caps but... dude! BO! In BO's confessional, BO says that he had to leave his job in order to go on American Idol. He agreed, but he wouldn't quit since he wanted unemployment (hee), so they fired BO and BO got want he wanted so yay for BO. So tonight, what does he do? He completely wipes the floor with all the other contestants and just nails "Whippin' Post" and oh my Roman. Just... unbelievable. There are no words to describe the awesomeness. I will join the cult he leads should BO ask. Maybe we should dust off the (deleted vowel). I hope beyond hope that BO gets a slot next to ConstantScreech because BO's is rock.

So rank-wise tonight, I'd put it at:
BO!, Joesph, Nikko, Anwar, Anthony, Mario, Scott, Travis, David, and Constantine

Overall, my thoughts are:
BO!, Nikko, Anwar, Mario, Anthony, Joesph, Scott, David or Travis (tied), and Constantine
I don't know who I call yet. Joesph might go even though he's done better than some of the pimped so far. I think the second slot is between David, Travis, Constantine and perhaps Nikko. I think I'd put Travis to go, thus Joesph and Travis.

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