AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Bwahs, Blahs, and a Few Moments That Give Pause...
by Swoopin

This was a very bwah-worthy night on AI, but not always for the right reasons. And I'm not sure about you, but I'm glad to know Ryan *hearts* expensive t-shirts. I think my life is now complete with that knowledge, which will no doubt turn up as a Jeopardy question in about 2 years.

Anyway, on to the Bwahs and the Blahs...

Bwah-worthy moment #1: Anphoney singing "I Knew You Were Waiting." I am now convinced that A-Fed has a secret stash of Clay performances downloaded on his computer, since Clay sang this (as a duet with a backup singer) on his tour this summer. He can run from the Clay comparisons if he wants, but he can't hide. Vocally, the weakest guy tonight--flat, weak lower register, and a nasty warbley note at the end. And about as compelling as watching a sloth hang in a tree.

Carrie is gonna change it up by twanging her way through Heart's "Alone" eh? First, I call Shout Out! I said last week I'd love to see her dressed like Slutty Sandy in Grease and she's totally rocking the Sandy hair. I wish Simon would STFU, seriously--my comment is the same as always--vocally fine (she sounded a little ooky on the slower high notes at the beginning and let the backing vocals carry the chorus) and about as compelling as watching a sloth take a nap. I don't get why Simon loves her so much, really. As a country singer, she doesn't stack up against some of the excellent women in that genre right now, and she has neither the personality or the stage presence to succeed as a pop princess. Good voice? Yes. Pretty? Close enough. Performing? Ugh.

Scott: Bwah Moment #2: Scott tossing first his hat, and then his glasses. I was waiting for him to sling off a shoe next. And either his shirt was only half tucked in or he's hiding a Quasimodo-sized hump under that jacket. That said, this is hands down the best version of "Against All Odds" ever on this show. Loved his eyeroll at Simon, like "whatEVER."

Bo: Jesus, I'm like dead . Randy now needs to STFU--this was vocally great, nicely nuanced, and I liked his interaction with the acoustic guy and the audience. But Randy, you know, it's just not poppin' if it isn't loud, belty, and glory-noted. He's like a magpie--only shiny, pretty songs need apply. Bo should sing "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" next week to complete his Croce oeuvre.

Ruben is in a sitcom about fast food? Bwah Moment #3. Really, Ruben's picture is next to "Life On A Stick" in the dictionary. I could go on here, but I'm sure you've thought up all the jokes yourself already.

Nikko: Sisqo's "Incomplete." He looked very good and he sold the song--he still misses a few notes and he needs to work on learning better breathing technique because he sometimes sounds like he's gasping to me. Overall, not too bad. Best thing he's done. Confession--I have nothing to compare this to since I'm pretty sure I've never heard the original.

Vonzell: Ooh, I remember really liking "Best of My Love" back in the day. I thought she had fun, but this didn't start well at all. She got better as she went on and was slamming it by the end, and I loved the little giggle when she finished.

ConmanCassidy: No votes from me--he didn't wear the pukka shell necklace. Confession again: "I Think I Love You" is one of my greatest guilty pleasures--I had a major fangirl thing for David Cassidy when I was 12. I really don't know what to say about this--I didn't mind the jacked up arrangement, and I thought he sounded fine, but it seemed boi. If he's going for crapping on the hand that's currently feeding him, I give him an A for the idea and a C on the execution.

Nadia: Looked like Grace Jones on a bad day with that FrauxHawk, and what the HELL did she do to "Time After Time"? That song is supposed to be urgent and wistful, and she made it hardassed and Mr. Swoop suggested a better choice would have been "Wild Thing" considering the hair. So he gets his very own Bwah Moment.

Mickles: Was, as usual, completely off key and out of tune for all but the last four notes and will she pretty please go the hell home this week? There ought to be a Society For the Prevention of Cruelty to Music instituted in her honor. I think this is the song that was Carmen's swan song in Season Two-it should also be Mickles'.

Anwar: managed to somehow make "Ain't Nobody" completely lifeless. How do you suck the soul out of a Chakka Khan song? Oh wait, Donny Osmond liked it! Well that explains things. Seriously, he did not do that song justice at all, and you know, he has such a low watt variety of charisma that he looks lost on that big stage. He needs to go back to last week's fly outfit to give him back some stage presence. He looked like the very definition of uncomfortable and the moves were kind of clutzy. He's losing momentum at this rate and that's too bad. Still love his voice.

Jessica: "Total Eclipse of the Heart"--was good enough and the girls were back in town tonight. I like her better than Carrie, but is Simon going for the Jessica/Carrie showdown or what?

Best: Bo, Scott, Jessica, and (gah) Conman.
Bottom three: Mickles, A-Fed, and Nadia. Nadia back to the couch and please God, Mickles off my teevee now. Thanks!

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