AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Did You Just See What I Saw; Or Did Paula Slip Me Something?
by Wandering Snark

Maybe it’s just my personal inability to keep from my italian verbosity, but part of wht I liked about htis place is that we could post stuff like this, the before TWoP chop-down versions

A dressed down Ryan steps out through the middle of the uber-giganto plasmonstrosity that is the video backdrop and gives me Spinal Tap flashbacks for some reason, as if I expect it to close too fast on him and they’ll have to cut him out with an acetylene torch...

Anthony Boresmypantsov Comes out and does just that. The King of Lite Rock will be singing songs you hear at your next shitty telemarketing job.

Something About Carrie Underwood Yes, I burst into uncontrollable laughter when she stepped onto stage, especially after all of our Grease remake talk with her and Bo... there are no leather pants and she’s not smoking a cigarette but she still looks very much like leather makeover Sandy. The performance is actually damn good but I can’t stop laughing at the Grease flashback outfit/hair. Apparently the way that Simon keeps from laughing at her hair is giving her effusive over the top compliments. Check your messages Cowell, there’s one on there from Kelly Clarkson asking you to look at how her second record is performing. It ends with “so take that... Bitch!”

Scotty “the hotty?” Savol After the dubious into by Ryan we begin to see that Ryan was really just fucking with Scott after seeing him in rehearsal. I’d guess it was all he could do to keep from laughing, knowing Scott’s strip-version of Against the Odds was coming up. As for Scott’s vocals, a bit shallow and ‘tight’ sounding I think. It was just okay for me. I regret noticing but damn, Ryan’s arms are hot...

Where can I send money to stop Paula from molesting Simon when he says something she agrees with? Who replaced her oxycontin with Viagra?

Bo Bice dares step out of his box and everyone but Simon knocks him for it. Randy and Paula, the Box Guards give him with a “I’m sure your fans will forgive you/vote you through” bullshit proposition. Bo was still the best performance of the night, his voice is awesome and he gets giant points from me for liking Jim Croce sho I doubt any of these kids even know exists. More points because Jim Croce songs remind me of my dad who loved singing and music... he passed away pretty close to a year ago and it’s good to have a fun memory come to mind instead of the crappy ones I’m wading in currently. GO BO!!!

Nikko Smith Has his voice set to ‘shrill, loud and straining’. Also, there is apparently some rule about time you can wear your hat tonight as his lasts about 20 seconds... Meh.

Vonzelle First off if V keeps getting hotter every week she’ll either spontaneously combust Spinal Tap drummer style or she’ll have a lucrative second life as a Playboy Centerfold and/or we can actually properly affix the tag ‘Supermodel’ to her in the real sense. Damn.... the preformance and vocals were pretty hot too and I loved that she was obviously having a blast out there today, not afraid of the stage.

Looking back on it just after this performance the Plasmanstrositron should have shown a big flashing warning sign saying “Bumpy Road Ahead, All Downhill From Here”

Okay, ConstantScreaming white-boy raps/screams a fucking Partridge Family song, seriously people if he becomes much more of a self-parody I actually may start voting for the poor kid because this is really becoming entertaining. Paula says everything postive she can come up with but conveniently leaves out anything regarding his shouting err singing. She does kind of out him for the stage-rat theaterboy he is by saying his ‘performance’ is so good because he has so much experience ‘on the stage’, heh. Somewhere JPL is saying, wow that was schlock. And I mean in a ‘laugh-at’ not ‘laugh-along’ kind of way.

Tina Turner Beyond Bow-Wow-Wow Thunderdome Is 6’2, 10 feet 6 with the mohawk. In close-ups the front of her ‘hawk that comes down across her forehead makes her look like a deranged unicorn of some sort... it’s all so effing bizarre I can’t even wrap my head around it, err around her head. The song? Three times to fast. The mohawk? Three times too over the top. The hell was she thinking, besides ‘Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves Because I Want Candy’ of course?

Meekayla The Gorgon I’m a child of the eighties. I know Taylor Dayne. You, Meekaylah are no Taylor Dayne. That was weak with a capital eek. Yeah baby you better get used to waving goodbye... I don’t feel like trying to explain how bad this was, let’s just move on.

Anward and... Homeward shows why he’s yet to do anything uptempo, because he just can’t get his voice up to speed with the pacing. It’s a rubberband performance I’d say... every line he starts out behind and then gets kind of sprung into full voice 80% into each line but then she snaps back again. It leaves about 15% of the song actually sung to his voice’s potential. The only thing that sounds decent is when he breaks away from the actual set pacing of the song to throw out some showy notes so we remember he does have a great voice. This performance though? It’s a mess...

My poor Jessica Sierra... *sigh* I think she forgot a few words (depending on how they’d planned to chop it down for the time limit) and that threw her off. Everything that wasn’t intro or out-tro was too fast for her and/or she was trying to pull it togehter after fumbling the words and the pacing never gave her a chance. You could tell because she couldn’t get any of the real power that the song should have behind it. It’s a shame really, because this choice does match the hell out of her voice. I just think having it all chopped up ruined it and left her without the confidence needed to pull it off.

Again it’s (regrettably) the Carrie and Bo Variety Hour that makes up the only decent portion of tonight show.

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Blogger wasimmerdude sez:

I'm sorry about your father, but I'm glad that you found some comfort from tonight's show. :)

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