AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Front Row At A Gallagher Show...
by Wandering Snark

Aloha Begins tonight’s show after ending the first show... you see because he name means both hello and goodbye! Tonight? It’s leaning very very heavily toward goodbye. I for one didn’t buy her ‘impersonation’ of Beyonce last week as evidence of anything other than that she’d studied that perfomance and knew how to do it note for note. However, I could learn how to put together a fairly complex model but if I needed to put together a model with differnt parts or tools? I’d be useless, just like Aloha apparently is if she can’t do a practiced enough impersonation.

Lindsey ‘My Middle Name Is Cute’ Cardinale Aww.. she’s just so damn cute... it’s almost painful really. I think she got unnecessarily pounded on by the judges. I think she did what she needed to do, she did the breasty err I mean breathy ballad last week. She didn’t always reach the pacing of this one but it had personality and range and I’ll be hella pissed if Aloha or Janay stays and she goes next week...

Jessica Sierra WHOA!!! That was fan-freakin-tastic. No gigantic glory notes, no song that started slow and soft and quickly and then quickly ‘stuck’ at a full belt a’la J-Hud it was just controlled and rich and ass kickin. This is why I was so glad she wasn’t eliminated last week. I think she was head and shoulders above the field tonight. Not as much as Bo who basically lapped the men’s field but it was a similar thrashing.

Celena Rae Is your pretty, cool friend who can really sing. Everyone loves her and knows she’s got a lot of talent. That doesn’t make her an Idol contender though she certainly has the goods to have made it this far; this is probably her ceiling though.

Meekaylah can live another week. It was still all kinds of bizzare and a half but at least it wasn’t seemingly intentionally annoying; it was just odd. She’s still singing out of her tonsils, and now it sounds like her tongue’s been superglued to her bottom teeth. She isn’t singing the beginning or end of her words; but she’s kind of singing around the sides of them, not clipping them off... it’s kind of like listening to a tape that’s being eaten.

Nadia Turner Cool, I wanted to hear her voice. Pretty good, but this is a wierd-ass song choice. Did she and Aloha have a bet who could perform the most wobbly not-really-words song? I dunno who ‘won’ that bet though. The bloom is off the proverbial rose a bit this week. Paula says we believe in Nadia, so I guess we do... ‘cause if Paula said it it’s got to be true, right? Especially when she speaks for all of us and says “We love you”

Amanda Avila I can’t help but think of our renaming this one ‘Turn the Bleat Around’ after Caaaaarmen did it. Diana kicked this thing’s ass, no matter how ‘bot-like’ we may have thought it was, she nailed every damn word of this song front to back. I felt that Amanda instead got her ass kicked by the song, I actually think it basically swallowed her whole. She’s unfortunately overpraised, ‘fans’ may feel she’s fine and not vote her through.

Janay Castine Luckily I don’t fear for her head exploding and splattering the crowd like a watermellon at a Gallagher show but that doesn’t mean it was any better to watch. As a very young looking 17 she sings about someone cheating on her. Parents? They’re either cringing that it’s this ‘racy’ and she’s so innocent, or they’re shaking their heads because society has made her another 16 going on 36 year old kids with no actual childhood.

Carrie Underwood Overpimped Shocking! She’s got the final slot? This is taking a giant beast of a car, it’s engine is bigger than most cars today... and driving it 20 mph down a steep hill. That’s what it feels like watching her take one of the most unrestrained and raw songs of Janis’ and putting it to this arrangement. She couldn’t even growl out one single ‘taaaake IT!!!’ and her ‘you know you got it...’ portion which is the signature and heart and soul of the song was taken a’la Anthony Boresmypantsov and made into LiteRock. Ghastly. So fun to see Simon calls her out as a ‘cover band’ singer when we know that’s exactly what she is!

Of course next though Seacreast says “So when you make it into the Top 12... or if you make it into the Top 12 that is...” just so we don’t forget she’s the Chosen One.

Vonzelle Solomon Doing her expected diva-tastic best but it’s kind of a mess actually. Someone truly needs to kill these fucking background singers; or the sound guy. Or both? That brings the show to a close with a resounding whimper. I’d say she may find invitation to the Final 12 marked ‘return to sender’.

So, what the hell do we make of that crap? Sadly I'd say that Jessica was ahead of the pack in proportion as much as Bo was ahead of the other guys (comparatively) then there's a giant giant chasm... And while they were both uneven and a bit clunky I put Lindsey and Mikahla together next and then on the other side of the road I'd say were Celena and Carrie... and everyone else is roadkill strewn along the side of the road.

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Blogger Swoopin sez:

Man, between the band and the backup singers, it was very loud last night, wasn't it? But I still think they did that deliberately because no one really was at homerun level. So maybe they just tried to drown them out?

Blogger Wandering Snark sez:

It's all making me misty-eyed nostalgic for the 'simpler days' of Schroeder and the singers. Last year we added the band and this year they've just gone wayyy to fucking far with providing backround singers for everyone; as Simon said "that sounded good but I'm not sure how much of it was really you".

We follow this trend and pretty soon everyone will get a full gospel choir like Fantasia had for the finale. I do wonder though if all the bells and whistles are intentional distractions.

Blogger Swoopin sez:

It has been pointed out to me that it's the sound mixers who are to blame. I'd imagine they're even easier to manipulate. "The girls suck this week, crank up the volume."

Man, I miss Schroeder and the piano, although Bo with just a piano is a kind of scary thing. I wonder if they did this to be kinder to ConstantScreech as their rawker of choice?

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