AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Judges - Girls Apparently Have Cooties
by Phan

Theme of the night: The band and it's arrangements are horrible and awful and loud and argh.

Aloha Mischeaux (and I'm very scared as I was able to type her last name without looking it up) starts us off with "You Don't Know My Name" and I really think the girls got reemed tonight by the band, because I've never heard the sound mix this bad on this show, and it was very very consistently off through out the night. And speaking from a singer's perspective (puts on special hat that makes me think I know what I'm talking about) it is impossible to make up for that without ruining any sort of dynamics. Anywho, it's my first time hearing the song, I don't hate her as much as the judges did, but I think their agenda was to really stick it to the women so tonight they'll be all "Boys were FAR better than the girls" cakes.

Lindsey Cardinale follows up with "I Try to Think About Elvis" and oh my fucking god this is a song title? Wow. What the hell? So obviously, this again is the first time I've heard the song and I think it's a totally obnoxious for Lindsey to even attempt and will somebody take an uzi to that fucking band or the sound guy please? She has improved since a week ago (but this might be due to maybe 19Evil springing for a better song book after last week's debacheries) but eh, she'll have to pull something big to stay in next week.

Jessica Sierra sings something that Diana DeGarmo sang last year, "A Broken Wing," and I'll set the "Killing the Fucking Sound Guy and the Band" to Shift-F1 from now on. Anyway, Jessica does fairly well with a song choice I wouldn't have expected from her (probably because I'm surprised anyone but Carrie would do country since she is the Chosen One) but she is very good.

Mikahla Gordon. "God Bless the Child." Oh my. I can't believe this. Her intro made me wish I was Cyclops from the X-Men so I could shoot lasers out of my eyes and into her skull. Then she goes and sings a song I love incredibly subdued and well (for this version of Idol at least). Damn her. I don't understand it. She makes me want her dead one minute and then next I think she's awesome. She must be doing this on purpose. She's a witch! A witch! Maybe it's my love for this song I think to myself, but then I remember the awful awful Kyla Sandulak (Canadian Idol 2) version I heard once so that can't be it. Easily the best of the night.

Celena Rae and "When the Lights Go Down"... I don't know. It's weird. I think she's going, I'll say that. Other than that, I can't pinpoint why she sounds boring on a first listen then good after another.

Nadia Turner sings probably the most boring song I've ever had the (dis)pleasure of sitting through on this show, "My Love." She's boring and I think she even knows it, so she struts around the stage in attempt to not be boring, but the song bores us all. And no, she doesn't have the widest range and she goes and proves that tonight and this is not the time to show flaws.

Amanda Avila goes and sings "Turn the Beat Around" and fine, whatever, it's all karaoke but I still thought she was pretty good. Definitely redeemed herself after last week, and I'm inclined to say it wasn't really out of tune. Then again, what do I know?

Janay Castine comes out and pertifies "Hit 'Em Up Style" with her giant eyeballs, her BobbleHead movements, and her pageant smile and why is she still there? God. Chanel Cole (Australian idol 2 and it is pathetic I know so much about Idol, isn't it?) got booted with this song and sang it 20 times betther than freaking Janay. Then the judges hate her so much and know there is no way that performance is in anyway good at all so whatever. Vote her through. She'll be the Jasmine Trias/Leah LaBelle nightmare of this season. She's getting a pity vote because she can't sing? Wow.

Carrie Underwood countrifies "Piece of My Heart" (which I guess she's doing the Faith Hill version, and that in itself scares me) and is very very average. I really don't think this song will ever be performed well on Idol ever. If Theresa Sokyrka can't sing it (shut up dammit) no one will ever be able to. The judges rip her a new one which shocks the hell out me. And that's all I can say about her.

Vonzell Solomon kills on "If I Ain't Got You" and because of maybe a few screwy (though not awful) lines, the judges reem her too. What the fucking hell? I don't get it. She wasn't as horrible as the judges make her out to be. They act like she just deficated on the seal and threw it at Ryan.

Overall, not an awful night, but the judges would have you think it's Group Two from Season 3 all over again. I think the only thing the girls were missing was a Bo level performance, because I didn't think the guys were as good as the judges made them out to be.
And again, FUCK THAT BAND. After that, they should consider going back to the piano.

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