AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Wednesday, March 02, 2005

A Kinder, Gentler AI...WTF?
by Swoopin

I knew we were in for big changes when Ryan was all somberly dressed like he was going to a Not Related But Distant Friend Of The Family Obliged To Turn Up Funeral. Then he starts talking about "losing" people again, which really makes it sound like a funeral. Either that or that they didn't keep Creepystine's leash on him at the mall again. Sheesh. Why can't he just call it was it is? Cut. Dismissed. Voted Off. But they're not Lost. They're at home wondering just how many bricks to throw at their teevees.

And surely I wasn't the only one sitting there watching this who fully expected to turn around and find TPTB standing in her living room? Because y'all, Big Brother IS watching us. Ryan calls Randy on the Faith Hill/Janis Joplin thing. There is no torture, no mind-fucking, no distraught sing-outs. It's completely weird, like AI wants to be all, gah, legit or something.

Meanwhile, Simon suggests people "sing what they sing best," and I'm all "but I thought you were supposed to marry Risk?" and then I thought someone really, really ought to remind him of that when Bo is stuck singing "The Macarena" on Novelty Song Night. My head is starting to hurt.

So Celena, who was meant to be cannon fodder anyway, is called forth and politely told she's been voted off. She's very grown up, agrees she ought to follow her dreams as the judges give her this totally useless piece of advice, and then Ryan points out, vis-a-vis Simon's comment last night, that Elton and Celine make a lot of money singing in hotels. He fails to point out that it's not at the local Motel 6 in Podunk USA, alas.

Cut to shot of ConstantScreech looking nervous in the red room. Squirm, bastard. Squirm a lot.

Janay is totally the next Carmen. She's working on her yodel after hours. And where is Aloha's flower? And Vonzelle looks great in that pink top. Really pretty. I'm only slightly shocked to see Aloha go adiosa. Not shocked about Janay, who is going to annoy the shit out of me for another 6 weeks at least, I predict.

Query to self: maybe going first isn't such a hot pimp slot when there are this many people? It would seem this might be, since Mehrio, who is unprotected by The Power Of The Hat, is pulled down with Travis, Joe, and David. He's sent back mighty fast, but I'm prepared to believe he may have actually have been the 4th lowest vote getter. On a pretty good night, he was mediocre and went first. That equals forgettable.

David and Joe are painlessly put out of their misery, and David looks totally resigned. Joe squeaks a bit about airtime (a legitimate gripe) and two prime pieces of eyecandy are gone.

Ryan pimps The Simple Life and we're done. No "Seacrest....out!"? Man,

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