AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

The New Stage Is A Small Dark Little Cave
by Wandering Snark

The new stage/set is, in one word ‘siezuretastic’. It’s like actually being inside the new computer intro. Those two giant microphone type columns made of neon with the revolving ‘American Idol’ script on them? I’ll call them the AI Revolvutrons™ and they are [Simon] Ghastly [/Simon]. Somewhere a Vegas casino owner is saying ... ‘Okay, that’s just too much neon, too many spotlights and too many plasma displays. How tacky.’

Pauler today looks like she’s just come in off the set of a ‘teen’ porn movie where tired old 28 y.o. ‘stars’ but on catholic girl school skirts and pretend they just turned 18.

Monkio Fezquez - I really didn’t think it would come to this so soon but... I said good day! Heh. I wonder if it has something to do with his looking like Craggle that led him naturally to this result. Maybe it’s the hair?

Jessica Sierra This performance got better as the night went on but as the first out of the gate I thought it sounded good but was a bit blah. It probably ended up being in the top four actually, will voters remember?

Anward And Upward Again, a bit safe/boring but improved dramatically as the night progressed. He looked almost as smooth as he sounded tonight and though it was lost on the judges I liked that it wasn’t belted or overly ornamented.

It appears that it is true that when women work together their cycles sync with each other 'cause Randy and Pauler have some serious PMS rolling. Randy is actually far more obnoxious than Simon tonight.

Meeeekalah speaks in what I’d assume is 90% her voice, 10% BabsDrescher and then goes on to sing with almost the same lack of put on LawnGUYland affect... just as I say ‘maybe I don’t hate her anymore’ she can’t hold it back any longer and is 100% BabsDrescher by the end of the song... and her responses to the judges, audience, soundmen, the neon, whoever or whatever will listen to her is the height of annoying. She at least doesn’t look scary, though she still looks like a 50 y.o. Medford, Mass housewife which is a bit unsettling since she is 16 afterall.

ConstantCabaret There’s the BroadwayBoy we all know is just dying to spring forth from under his ‘rocker’ schtick like an Alien through his stomach. What would make me so very happy? A. Button your shirt. B. Stop eyefucking us all without protection as we all know you won’t even give us cabfare. C. Go home.

Simon refers to him as a frontrunner to win ‘Smothering Idol’ and I am lost in a little fantasy scenario involving a pillow and ConstantCreed’s smug face. I then realize he actually said ‘Smoldering Idol’. Either way I’ll be happy to volunteer to snuff out his flame for good.

Listen people, it’s not Lindsey’s fault, she actually was brave to go on at all. She has a rare allergy to prolonged exposures of large amounts off plasma and neon. I hear it is hell on her vocal chords.

Nadia Gives us all a ‘gateway’ S/M shout out with the flowing silk scarf tied around her wrist attaching to her skirt... very nice, singin ain't bad either. For a second there I noticed she looks just like Marian Jones the Olympic runner.

BO RULES! Holy shit people... Most people stood on that stage and you could hear them saying to themselves ‘Oh gahd, where can I hide?’ Bo came out and thought “Wow, look at all of the places where I can shine on this stage!” It was almost like: “What a blast, check this place out! I can run over here and kick ass, I can run over there and kick ass, check it out, how hilarious is this catwalk thing? Let me sing over here, no I think I’ll perform over there!” Awesome. I think btw that he carries the mic stand because he feels wierd not having his guitar in hand...

Scott, Nikko and Vonzelle were all passable if more in line for the Fernando School of Music Idol where it is better to look good than to sound good, and dahrling these three look maaahhhhhvalous!!

Carrie Judge Reverse Psychologywood - Tonight she was so disconnected, it was like she’s become CountryBot 1.0; she was singing behind that pane of glass that DiBot must have willed to her as successor. I think the judges reverse psychologied her comments so her fans would vote thinking she was in trouble.

As long as it’s not Jessica, Anwar or Bo I don’t care who goes though. Given he had no time to prepare I hope Nikko gets another shot but it won't kill me if he doesn't.

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