AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Saturday, March 19, 2005

And then there were eleven (or, The first cut is the deepest (voice))
by spacecitymarc

I'll admit it: I'm sad to see Lindsay go. I thought she had a wonderful voice that she didn't muck up with a lot of the garbage that other contestants frip themselves up with. She had no idea how to choose material that suited it, of course, but I was kinda hoping that she'd stick around long enough to figure it out. Plus, where will I find my weekly dose of AI pretty? Ah, well. At least she went out all Judd Harris classy, shaking the judges' hands and loving that she made it this far. Plus, she did what we all want to do every time we hear the disco arrangement of "Knock On Wood," which is to fingergun the "thunder" and "lightning." Peeyoo! Peeyoo!

That said, if this is what it takes to keep Jessica on my TV for another week, so be it. When she was sent back to the safe group, I actually started clapping. Swear to God.

In the meantime, looking at the bottom three on stage with Ryan, I've gotta ask, how tall is Lindsay? I mean, I can't spot any obvious heels on her, and she dwarfs Seacrest. Maybe that's why she's always squatting. To avoid banging her head on the rafters.

As for the rest of it…

Group sing! Hello, darkness, my old friend. I had forgotten just how much I had missed you. This song, this "When You Tell Me That You Love Me," is the worst thing I've heard since, like, "I Believe." My attempts to wrap my brain around the line "I want to kiss your smile and feel the pain" have resulted in me losing the 8s column of the multiplication table. Mikalah's like a foghorn in this group. And that, my friends, is comedy.

Nadia's "family & friends" person looks like Yeesha Jackson.

Anthony's being safe is utterly distasteful to Simon.

Pimpmercial! And it's… surprisingly not utterly ridiculous. Like, it could be a legitimate commercial that I wouldn't laugh at, and the singing isn't painfully cheesy. So what the hell's the point? All I can really snark on is how Constantine looks like he's carjacking Lindsay. But that's okay, he's just smoldering.

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