First Elimination (or, Oh, God, this crap has really started, hasn't it?) by spacecitymarc

Ryan begins the show by telling us how the contestants got to this point. So wait: stuff has happened before tonight? Why haven't I heard of this until now? I find that peculiar.

Cow girl! I find myself missing her immensely.

Ryan very quickly blazes through his intro of all three judges, which I suspect has something to do with the fact when he introed them individually last night, there was a smattering of applause for Randy and Paula while the crowd went nuts for Simon.

I'm not a conspiracy nut, but I just can't help but notice that while Paula is babbling before they talk to the contestants, there is an almost subliminally quick shot of Carrie before they showed the entire women's group. It was very fast and almost certainly just an editing screwup in the control room, but it was definitely there.

Simon tells us, "The audience at home aren't stupid. They know when someone's not good enough." Doesn't that contradict everything that this show has ever done? Also, if true? How does that explain Ryan's career?

They show us Simon's horrible comment to Amanda last night, as if it was an OUTRAGEOUS! comment by irreverent, irreverent Simon instead of a disgusting, possibly litigation-worthy embarrassment.

It's back to the hate train for me, as Mikalah yanks her hand out of Janay's when she finds out she's safe. Selfish, awful slag.

I'm not particularly saddened by Melinda Lira's departure, but I love her closing comments about how she probably got booted because she wasn't spotlighted nearly as much as some of the other contestants, since she's basically taking the whole bullshit nature of the process and the pimping to task. Which is kinda bitchy and self-important but kinda awesome.

And as Ryan wonders which of the guys will leave before throwing it to commercial, I find myself hoping that whoever it is decides that he wants to sing himself out with "The Power Of Love."

I'm finding Constantine just a little fascinating tonight. First of all, I'm pretty sure that his saying that he got a bit of guff for people thinking that it was he, not Ryan, who told Randy to "stick to rapping" was totally a shout-out to TWoP. And second of all, looking at his reactions to everything that was going on, I think he's suddenly realized how very much he wants this, and I'm almost positive that he hates himself for it. That, right there, almost counteracts how much he sucks, as far as I'm concerned.

Jared Yates is booted. Ryan asks, "Simon, anything constructive for Jared?" Simon: "No." And that's the end of that, apparently. Sarah Mather, on the other hand, gets actual encouragement from Simon when she's booted. And then what happens next astonishes me, as Ryan lands one of his very few successful attempts at humor by pointing out that she now has to sing the song that the judges all just told her was a horrible choice because that's all the band has prepared.

I was originally prepared to call Ryan a flat-out liar (rather than merely a dick) during Judd Harris's bullshit ejection process, but a quick rewind of the tape reveals that Ryan only told the front row, "I made you do all the work last time. I want you to sit there and relax." Oh, Ryan Seacrest, how you tease with your mastery of semantics! Like Sarah, I'd've preferred that someone else leave before him, but I can see why he's gone.

And then Paula calls "Travelin' Band" a novelty song, and I just wanted to shake her until the pills pop out. It's… it's like this, people. That song comes from Creedence Clearwater Revival's Cosmo's Factory, which is, quite simply and without hyperbole, one of the best rock 'n' roll records ever made. And "Travelin' Band" has humor in it, sure. But to hear Paula Adbul – the woman who gave us a duet with a fucking cartoon cat – call it a novelty song is insulting and ignorant. So I'm more pissed off at that than at any of tonight's results or bullshit.

Anyway, losers-wise, I'm currently batting .500.