AI Recapper's Retreat

The Retreat spawns from the Television Without Pity American Idol Forum. Primarily for your longer form recaps, a place outside of the flow of the crazy episode threads. This way we can enjoy/comment/encourage/rationalize these long posts more easily. We spend the time on them, here's another spot for them to have 'life'. Not a forum replacement but a sub-set: Post there, paste here! Or more? We'll see. Oh, and NO SPOILERS! Welcome back for a new year of soul crushing pimping of Chosen Ones. -WS

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Thursday, March 03, 2005


Second Elimination (or, Exposure has its benefits)
by spacecitymarc


A big nothing of a results show last night, with a minimum of bullshit, filler or surprise. I suspect that their hijinks last week got such overwhelmingly bad publicity that TPTB opted to simplify as much as possible. Celena Rae is told that she's out in the simplest, most straightforward manner that I think I've ever seen on this show, and it would be wonderful to see it again. Aloha Mischeaux is only forced to jump through one insignificant hoop to be told she's gone and gives a yawnworthy pageant farewell speech.

When they bring out the men and it's down to Joe Murena, David Brown, Mario Vasquez and Travis Tucker, I'm giddy to see that it's a win/win situation for me. Ryan takes the opportunity to make the only snarkworthy comment of the evening, when he observes, "One of these guys has the lowest number of votes, the other has the second lowest number of votes" in reference to four men. Jeez, Clever Hans could count better than Ryan, and he was a horse.* Anyway, Joe and David are out, and when Joe takes the opportunity to pull a bit of a Melinda and complain gently that he didn't get more airtime, I wonder if they cut the show down to a half hour precisely to avoid being revealed as the charlatans and hucksters that they are. Then Ryan talks to David about having had biscuits at his family's house, and I ponder what an odd breakfast that had to have been.

Like last week, I'm not particularly saddened by the way things turned out. I would have liked to hear more from Celena and David, but my affection for her was really only a hunch at this point, and David just hasn't shone since his audition. I flat-out wanted Joe and Aloha gone, on the other hand, so that's nice. You know, for me.

In other, more horrifying news, spacecityotherroommate'sgirlfriend thinks Constantine is super-hot. This is amusing to me, for reasons that I shall keep entirely to myself.

And Ryan has, it appears, tired of his own stupid catchphrase. We can only hope.

So, looking at the semifinalists, I note the following (flower bullets totally not my choice, but we'll call them a tribute to Aloha) [Better now? -WS]:

Saw their auditions:
  • Lindsay Cardinale
  • Mikalah Gordon
  • Nadia Turner
  • Amanda Avila
  • Carrie Underwood
  • Vonzell Solomon
  • Mario Vasquez
  • Anwar Robinson
  • Constantine Maroulis
  • Scott Savol
  • Travis Tucker
  • Nikko Smith
  • Anthony Federov
  • Sarah Mather - first elimination
  • David Brown - second elimination

Saw during "Hollywood" rounds:
  • Jessica Sierra
  • Janay Castine
  • Bo Bice
  • Judd Harris - first elimination

Appeared out of nowhere (i.e., we never heard them sing before the semis):
  • Melinda Lira - first elimination
  • Aloha Mischeaux - second elimination
  • Celena Rae - second elimination
  • Jared Yates - first elimination
  • Joe Murena - second elimination

Now. I'm not going to get all Grassy Knoll here, because I'm not claiming any sort of conspiracy. But when all but three of the surviving competitors were showcased right from the start, and when all five of those who had no exposure at all before making it to the semi-finals have been voted out, Melinda's bitching from last week suddenly takes on extra weight. The sociologist in me (who just won't die no matter what I do) tells me that there is a causality question here: did they get voted out because they weren't given the same airtime as the others, or were they not given the same airtime because they weren't as good? Based on some of the performances I've seen from some of the people who were shown early on, I'm far more inclined to put stock in the former. Which tells me that TPTB have a fundamental problem on their hands.

*Yeah, I know, it was actually a hoax. Clever Hans referenced for snark purposes only, and should not be taken as gospel.

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Wednesday, March 02, 2005


Bo: 2, Nadia: 1
by spacecitymarc


Lackluster evening all around. I blame the snowstorm.

Aloha Mischaux takes the opportunity in her clip to tell us how she really likes chicken. Terrific use of the ten seconds you have to let America know a little bit about you, Aloha. She sings "You Don't Know My Name," working her own name into the lyrics and then just tanks on the head voice parts. Did not like that at all.

Lindsay Cardinale pulls a switchup to sing some fast, horrible country song. She's actually quite good on the first uptempo number we've heard from her, though she lacks a bit of power here and there and the presentation is so cheesy that you could cater a cocktail party with it. But she's pulling it out, vocally, rather than feeling it up, chestally. I still like her, and she's still pretty.

Jessica Sierra, who I've just realized kinda looks like Alison Krauss mixed with Rosanne Cash, sings a mid-tempo country tune, and she's stronger in her lower range than Lindsay. She loses her last note completely, but she's pretty good otherwise. I'm starting to get kind of a Tift Merritt vibe from her. Simon lies that she has delivered the best female vocal so far, but I do like her.

Mikalah Gordon sings "God Bless The Child" with no control, so she's all over the place. She's not the trainwreck that we desperately want from her at this point, but it's just bland and holy God nasal. Bad tone, bad control, bad presence. How is she still here?

Celena Rae does a big ballad, which is pretty ballsy of her, considering everything that was said last week about how boring the balladeeresses were. She's actually not bad, but she would've had to have been spectacular to make said criticisms irrelevant. When Simon tells her that there's a thin line between being a pop star and singing in a hotel, a simple question occurs to me: what do the backing vocalists have to say about that?

Nadia Turner sings "My Love," one of the worst songs that Paul McCartney ever wrote, and her version consists almost entirely of the part without actual words. It was a good vocal, but she gave herself absolutely nothing to work with. Terrible followup to a slam-dunk performance last week. Score is now Bo: 2, Nadia: 1.

Amanda Avila wears a top from the Lindsay Cardinale collection as she sings "Turn The Beat Around" and she's not – and it chills me to the bone to say this – as good as Diana DeGarmo. Now that's a sobering thought. Paula says it was the perfect song for her, so I'm guessing that she recognizes that Amanda is awful, since that's the only way that that makes any sense.

Janay Castine isn't as terrified this week as she sings "Oops! (Hit 'Em Up Style)," which is a good fit for the quality of her voice, but she's very wobbly and doesn't have the power she really needs for it, disregarding the fact that the lyrics are pretty inappropriate for a 16-year old. Oh, and she works Paula's and Mikalah's names into the song, and this trend must stop. NOW. I find myself in complete agreement with Simon that she's too young but will probably be very good in a few years. But this is what happens when you lower the eligibility age to 16, assholes. You made your own bed, now lie in it, 19E.

Carrie Underwood countrifies "Piece Of My Heart," which spacecityroommate refers to as "another song you can't sing unless you smoke six packs of cigarettes a day." I'm more generous in my appraisal, as I think she's good, but she has no spark. Simon is, again and shockingly, totally right when he says that it's reminiscent of a local cover band. In the meantime, let's all make special note of the fact that the prechorus already contains four "come on!"s preloaded for ready use.

Vonzell Solomon finishes a fairly uneventful evening with a very nice "If I Ain't Got You." She is much better than last week, and I think that this might be more her bag than uptempo stuff like "Heat Wave."

Leave. Leave now: Amanda, Mikalah (alternate: Aloha)

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Tuesday, March 01, 2005


Wrapped Up With A Bo
by spacecitymarc


Ridicularity runs wild at the start, as Ryan gets the giggles when he introduces Simon, who, for his part, flat-out acknowledges that he's already picked a winner.

Mario Vasquez and another fucking hat do singing-like noisy sounds on a song that I don't know because it's not a real song. I know this because its ostensible title, "I Like Music," shows that it was initially intended for the America Sings segment of the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. And suddenly I suspect that we've never seen him singing a real song, as he opts instead for half-assed vocal showcases. Mandatory deduction for opening with, "Come on, people, put your hands together!"

Anwar Robinson sings "What's Going On," which could very well be the most political song ever performed on this show, which, let's recall, rush-released "God Bless The U.S.A." as a single two seasons ago. He sounds lackluster to me. In an interesting trend which I wish he (and others) would notice, he sounds fine when singing words but not when doing vocal runs on "yeah" and the like. I was somewhat dismayed that he "Whoo!"ed his own damn performance, not the least reason for which was that he ended really sharp.

Joseph Murena adds extra "whoo!"s and "come on!"s to the most unctuous version I could possibly imagine of "Let's Stay Together," which, as a song of seduction, has its entire raison d'etre stomped on like grapes at a winery. I don't care if he can sing at this point: he doesn't understand his material, so it's time for him to leave.

David Brown is trying awfully hard to sing "All Is Fair In Love" and coming up short. When he says in his clip that his necklace helps him remember where he's from, spacecityroomate says, "A microphone on a chain? Where are you from?" And we both said "Radio Shack" at the exact same time, and it was awesome and you should've been here.

Constantine Maroulis starts off a ridiculous, horribly wretched performance of "Hard To Handle" by saying, "Let's rock this thing!" and being wildly off pitch on the very first note. He then proceeds to do nothing more than scream for the duration, learning the lesson from Mario that you don't have to sing anymore on this show, just do your schtick for as long as the music plays. Simon nails it by saying, "I could go to any bar in America and see any singer of the same caliber as you." Bang on, Simon. You're still a dick.

Rantermission! I'm sick of the eyefucking. Just sick of it. Even if it didn't reek of desperation the way it does for most of the contestants who do it (Constantine did nothing but try to figure out which camera was on him at any given moment), it's just a pointless way of splitting your focus. I've seen commercially available concert videos that are damned effective without the singer getting as far as eyefirstbase with me. Because -- gosh! -- they're paying more attention to their performance than they are to trying to figure out where they need to look. So there is a way in which trying to make it look like they're "singing to us" can work against them. I hope I hope I hope.

Scott Savol sings some Luther Vandross song I don't know, proving Melinda Lira's point from last week, as I'd think he sucked if this was the first time I'd heard him. I'd also think he was a Constantine-sized douchebag for wearing sunglasses, but they not only look good on him, they make him look less bad, if you get me. Ryan, meanwhile, suffers from a defective TelePrompter and stumbles. How many times has he said this crap over the course of four seasons? And he can't do it extemporaneously? Who is he, Ron Burgundy?

Travis Tucker speaks what sounds like utter gibberish in his intro clip and then puts more effort into dancing "All Night Long" than into singing it. And he's no Lionel Richie, who wasn't a vocal powerhouse or anything, just a guy who could, you know, sing. Not good, Travis.

A blessedly millinery-free Nikko Smith sings "Let's Get It On" and thus basically begs for sex on national television. He's not too bad, actually, but hasn't the song sort of reached a point where it's automatically a parody of itself?

Anthony Federov sings "I Wanna Know What Love Is," and manages to be very weak, even when he's loud. Not only that, the backup singers really underscore just how off-pitch he is during the chorus. And seriously? When Lou Gramm has more soul than you? You're in trouble.

And then, after bragging about being eligible for unemployment, Bo Bice comes out, sings "Whipping Post" like he was delivered from on high for no other purpose. spacecityroommate points out that if he was at an Allman Brothers concert and he heard this, he would be entirely satisfied at money well-spent. At this point, Bo is so clearly, patently, obviously miles ahead of his competition that it's just ridiculous. Suck on it, Constantine!

Go away: Joe, Travis. Constantine I want to squirm just a little longer.

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